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                                             (Yet Another) Pirate Looks At Forty


                                  “Mother, Mother Ocean ... I have heard you call.
                   I wanted to sail on your blue waters ... Since I was three feet tall.
                                          You’ve seen it all ... You’ve seen it all ...
                                                             -Jimmy Buffet




I’ve always loved that song ... “A Pirate Looks At Forty”. Of course when I first heard it, I was rolling-skating my teen heart out, my sweaty palm nervously holding the hand of some girl for a “couples-only skate”, stumbling through the words so that I wouldn’t have to look her in the eye. I probably looked pretty silly singing about turning forty when I had only recently got my restricted drivers license.

I’ve since forgotten that girl ... but I have rarely forgotten about that song. I guess I was a romantic, even in those days ... Even if I was still shy around girls.
My romanticism has blossomed into the full-blown hopeless type ... and my shyness has become almost legendary gregariousness (o.k. at least locally, anyhow!)

But in these last few days ... The last days of my thirties ... I’ve seen that song in a slightly different light. I always did understand, in a way, what he was singing about.

From the first day my Grandpa took out into the Gulf of Mexico when I was six years old and (Ironically) about three feet tall, I’ve been fascinated with the ocean. I’ve always loved pirate movies and any and all things adventurous. If you’ve read anything in my non-fiction catalogue, or know anything about me, you know I am quite thee adventurer. I’ve never climbed Mount Everest, or swam the English Channel ... But I have had a very interesting life so far. I have seen and done things that many people will never have the chance to do. I have been to places and met people that would fascinate even the most jaded jet-setter.

I have shaken the hand of some very influential people ... Let’s see, How ‘bout Richard Nixon and Hubert Humphrey ... They were campaigning for the oval office in the late sixties, my Grandma was a reporter for the local paper in Aliquippa, Pennsylvania when she brought me to the shopping center where they made a speech on their campaign trail. I think I was five or so, maybe younger.

I also met Colin Powell; he was speaking at some big corporate motivational show being held at the Orlando arena. I was working the show as a stage hand and while we waited out back for the show to be over so that we could tear it down and load it out, he came out to his awaiting motorcade. We were just outside the door and he smiled at us as he realized who we all were. (Probably a little disconcerting ... Hell, rattling even, to be a man in his position and exit a building into a crowd of ruff looking long-hair types, all dressed in black and staring at HIM!)

Well, let me tell you ... His eyes went across us once and with a grin, he immediately accessed us for who we were. Now you’d think a man who has ran armies, consulted presidents and helped to change or at least write, history ... A man who just got paid some ungodly sum of money to give a speech to a bunch of conventioneers who were probably more interested in the after-meeting events in the hotel bar than his speech, a man who had his own police escort for crying out loud ... Would nod and wisk himself into waiting limo and the non-confrontation bliss afforded the man of his stature ...

Not on your life!

He stopped, calm as any moment I’d ever seen him on T.V. and he asked us how we were all doing. He waived off one of his body guard-types (probably secret service) and shook some of our hands. He made eye contact with all of us and seemed strangely eager to talk to us. While he did, he politely asked us how our day was! Can you just imagine?
He was as personable as any true gentleman I’d ever met. (Benny Hinn, Rod Stewart and a few others I’ve worked for as a stage hand, don’t even want to see the local crews when they come and go, let alone seem to want to have a chat with any or all of them!)

Mr. Powell didn’t look down at us, he smiled with us!

He shook a few of our hands and I am proud to say mine was one of them.
It was raining, his “People” told him they’d have to hurry if they were going to make the airport in time with the wet roads and all. I am a great judge of character (most of the time), I swear, he was disappointed that he couldn’t finish shaking all our hands ... you could see it in his face. He reluctantly, almost frustratingly, agreed with the men in black and bid us a good day. We all wished him well too, and then headed in out of the rain to start our load out.

The disappointed look on his face never left my mind that day ... Or, for that matter, to this day ...

I wondered if he was somehow lonely in his world ... Missing the camaraderie of old “chums”.

A world constantly choking in protocols and being “politically correct”.

A world where your eminence front is surely carving a shape of it’s own into the face you were born with. A uniformed world so full of rules that you grow weary of worrying if you’ve said or done the wrong thing ... and to whom, constantly watching your step, as well as your words ... Always having to second guess yourself as well as most of the cutthroat types you often deal with in a world like his. A place where you wake up in the morning and get handed a schedule of what you are going to do today ... and worse still, where you are going to go today.

Not a life … An itinerary.
Just imagine being a man of his stature ... Yet, some one else told you when and where you were going to eat! Everyone in your world ... there to do a job. No one there to be a real friend ... It makes my free spirit shudder ... A very lonely world.

I wondered if chatting with “the guys” was a much needed respite from his prison.
After all, this was a man who had spent many decades in the camaraderie of the Army.
In a war zone, you exist with real friends. Those friendships are as real as they come.

A prison I doubt he saw coming … We rarely see the walls we build until the morning we wake up and discover that we can’t see over them.

A lonely place indeed, for a man as real as he seemed to be to me. Funny, we Americans often chide and make jokes about how fake our presidents and other politicians are and have been ...

Makes you wonder why he refused to run for that oval office ... doesn’t it?

I haven’t voted in all my life, my view on politics and politicians is bleak at best ...
If that man ever runs for president, I will register to vote and I will vote for him.
He was “real”. Not only important these days ... but rare as well.

Of course, working in the production industry, I’ve also met and worked with a lot of stars. I’ve been a spotlight operator for many famous artists ... from Mel Torme′ to Tina Turner ... During Super Bowl 35 at Tampa’s new Raymond James Stadium, I was the spotlight trained on Steven Tyler and Brittany Spears as they sang “Walk This Way” during the halftime show. So, if you watched it, you’ve seen me work ...

Small world, huh?

As a lighting director, I’ve met countless stars; my fingers have been the board operator or moving light programmer for countless more. Blood, Sweat and Tears, The Fugee’s, Snap!, Bone, Thugs and Harmony, Method Man and Red man, Onyx, Etta James, Eryca Badu, The Lords of Acid, Digital Underground (with Humpty), Ms. Rita Marley (A sweetheart), her son Ziggy and the Melody makers as well as several other members of their family, not to mention almost every other Reggae artist you could think of (and a few you probably haven’t heard of yet). I was the Lighting Director for “Sting ‘96”; a Reggae festival held every year on Boxing Day, in Kingston, Jamaica. At this particular show there was a special guest, Biggie Smalls ... Sadly, it was to be one of his last shows. I remember he was in a wheel chair.

On a lighter note, there’s a Funny story behind that show ... I had been the L.D. for the Def Jam 10th Anniversary tour. One of the main DJs for the show, (He spun for Meth & Red) was a very cool guy called “DJ Enuff”. He and I got to be good friends as the tour progressed, because I too, had been a DJ for more than a decade before that. (More on that, some other time). Before the tour ended, he had given me one of his shirts, it had his personal logo on it and I wore it proudly. (My hand to God, I’m wearing it RIGHT NOW!) Well, as I stood on that stage in Kingston ... Christmas day, 1996 ...
Wearing this shirt, tweaking some moving lights that I had positioned on the stage ...
I heard a familiar voice call out: “Nice shirt.”
I looked up ... And there he was, I hadn’t seen him in over a year ... Not since I’d left Manhattan.
Neither of us knew that the other would be here ...
And lo’ and behold, I was wearing his shirt!
Small world, funny story.

One more?
If you insist ...

How ‘bout this one? I never dreamed while I was roller skating, that one day I’d actually be onstage with Jimmy Buffet ... But it happened! On his “Carnival” Tour, they needed four different looking stagehands to dress up in colorful costumes and dance around during the opening of the show and then collect the curtain when it fell ... I was one of those guys at the Ice Palace show in Tampa ... Onstage with Jimmy Buffet! (There are Parrot Heads out there that would drown you in a keg of spiced rum for a chance to do that gig!) Where you there? If so, then once again, you’ve seen me work ... Small world.

My life is full of those kinds of stories. I usually write in sadness because it’s therapeutic, instead of about all these wild and crazy things that have blessed me. (I gotta work on that one!) Where I’m going here is that even though I’ve had some unbelievable moments ... I’ve always been restless ...

“O.k., I’ve done this ... What’s next?”
I know it makes me sound ungrateful ... Believe me, I’m not.
It’s just that I’m always trying to see and do and learn ...
I am hopelessly in love with experience ... And inner expression.


                             “Yes I am a Pirate, two-hundred years too late ...
                         The cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothin’ to plunder ...
                                         I’m an over-forty victim of fate ...
                                                        Arriving too late ...
                                                        Arriving too late.”



I think you are getting the picture though ... I’ve been living a sometimes-amazing life. I wouldn’t trade what I’ve experienced for anything. But if you think these things I’ve done so far are lofty, you should try and picture some of my earlier goals in life ...
I wanted to be a fighter pilot ...
A Test Pilot ...
An Airline Pilot ...
Hell ... any kind of pilot ... And still loftier than that, I had designs on becoming an astronaut!

When that all went the way of the winds, I was singing in a band, (For all that was worth ... I was terrible!) So I wanted to be a rock star! If you ask, you’ll find, most DJs are disgruntled musicians ... I was no exception. But by doing that, first in radio, then in nightclubs, began a journey that took me all over the world as I got into doing concert lighting by learning moving lights in the nightclubs. I was in the proverbial right place at the right time. The band brought me something else though that I didn’t realize until almost two decades later ... Writing! Back then, I only wrote song lyrics and poems, but once I started to write stories, a floodgate opened and out came all this STUFF!

Fiction ... Short Stories and a whole novel!
My own, albeit different, brand of Philosophy ...
More Poetry ...
And the ideas for many more stories ...

Why Me?

Who knows ... ?
I don’t fight it, I learned a long time ago to just go along with things ... (O.K., most of the time, anyway!)

And so this searcher now has yet another, seemingly impossible, aspiration ... Being a writer. I say “seemingly impossible” because I have no schooling at this whatsoever ... I graduated from High School (Go Cobras!), barely squeaking through English. I did and always have though, love to read. I think between my love of a good story and my fascination with studying and understanding people, I have found something new that I could be good at. I’ve always had an artistic side ... and, without really seeing it, I’ve always done some form of work that let my creativity vent.

Herein the philosophy ...
Everything happens for a reason, whether you understand it, or not.
Learning to recognize it may never come ... but trust me ...
Learning to accept it will always make things easier ...

Well, I’m too old to be a nightclub jock any more. You eventually get to dislike the new music ... A sign from God that it’s time to quit.

I’m too beat up to keep doing the grueling and sometimes dangerous concert production work. This comes in the signs of limping, memory loss and shear dislike of teaching someone else your gig so that they can later steal it from you ...

The Army wouldn’t take me as a helicopter pilot at 18, I doubt they’ll have me now ...

And I still can’t sing ...


                                                       “Mother, Mother Ocean ...
                                                   After all the years I’ve found ...
                                                     My occupational hazard is ...
                                                My occupation’s just not around ...
                                                         Feel like I’ve drowned ...
                                                       But I won’t wear a frown.
                                                    Yes, I feel like I’ve drowned ...
                                                           Gonna head up town.”



Ol’ Jimmy ends this song in a satirical, kind of joking, up-beat note. An acceptance of his life that can only come with the wisdom of age. On a later live album, he says he wrote this for “a friend”, but I wonder if it was actually about him. ( Did I say album? God, now I am showing my age!)

I like to end most of my philosophical essays in a similar way. That’s the therapy of writing. You not only divulge your innermost thoughts ... You get to come to terms with them as well.

Do you think I got this from him?

Do you think that he’d think I stole it?

Nah ... Pirates always shared their plunders!



                                                                -Jeff Gaines


                                    One day after my @$#*ing Fortieth Birthday!

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